Big Charli’s Blind Marketing Consultancy™

“They’ll never see you coming.”™

Big Charli, a white woman with long red hair, stands in a black trouser suit, white shirt and black heels beside a tall white banner. The banner bears the dark-blue words ‘Big Charli’s Blind Marketing Consultancy’ and the slogan ‘They’ll never see you coming.’ — Big Charli promoting the consultancy.

Cream promotional poster for Big Charli’s Blind Marketing Consultancy. Large black lettering is framed by blue icons of an eye, sunglasses, a megaphone, a target and a stylised person. The headline says, ‘They’ll never see you coming.’ The course content and testimonials are transcribed below. — The course promotional poster.

Want to sell overpriced tech to blind people but don’t want to waste time on accessibility, ethics, or actual usefulness?

Big Charli’s got your back, baby. For just £10K a day, I’ll teach you how to turn empathy into ROI, one emotionally manipulative hashtag at a time.

What You’ll Learn

Optics over Outcomes

Why looking inclusive is way easier (and cheaper) than being inclusive.

Hashtag Alchemy

Transform meaningless gestures into inspirational campaigns. Try classics like:

#BlindButBrave #HeroesWithCanes #WeSeeYouToo #InclusivityMattersIfItGoesViral

Granny-to-Grift Pipeline™

Perfect your pitch for lonely pensioners and their carers. Free talking points:

“Your mum deserves independence… for just £4,999/month!”

Targeted Ads, Blurred Ethics

Master the art of emotionally manipulative Facebook ads, complete with royalty-free piano music and staged tearful testimonials.

Real (fake) Testimonials

“I never knew marketing could be this morally grey AND wildly profitable. Big Charli changed my life—and my bank balance.”

— Chad Startup, Founder of EmpathiTech™

“Before Big Charli, our product was ethical and broke. Now it’s exploitative and scaling fast.”

— Tanya Brandwash, Head of Marketing, Pathos AI

“Wait… this is satire, right?”

— Confused Intern

Bonus Pack

Apply now at www.BigCharliSeesYouComing.biz. (Site not screen reader compatible – duh.)

Hashtag Dump

#BlindButBrave #OvercomingObstacles #InspirationalTech #AccessibilityForSome #DisabilityDoesntStopUs #WeSeeYouToo #HeartwarmingTech #TechForGoodish #DigitalInclusionish #EmpowermentButMakeItProfitable #AllyshipAsAService #SocialImpactish #InspirationEconomy #EmotionallyDrivenROI #TechThatCaresAsLongAsItConverts #BlindButBankable #FeelGoodFunding #SightUnseenButSponsorable #DisabilityDollars #NotAllBlindPeople #AbleismWithASmile #PayToEmpower #StartupVisionary #PathosDrivenPerformance #InclusivityMattersIfItGoesViral #CharliKnowsBest #TheyllNeverSeeYouComing™