Mostly Tuesdays

Aegis Dynamics – Internal Brand Meeting

“Big Charli,” said Jessica Martinez, “the Tactical Foundation Garments division is ready for launch.”

“No,” said Big Charli.

“But we’ve benchmarked against every civilian brassiere manufacturer.”

“No.”

“We’ve developed Adaptive Load Redistribution™.”

“No.”

“We’ve got a forty-seven-page document on Strategic Bust Readiness.”

“No.”

Jessica sighed.

“Then what do you suggest?”

Big Charli pressed the intercom.

“Send Poppy in.”

A few moments later Poppy entered carrying a notebook.

“Meet your subject matter expert,” said Big Charli.

Jessica frowned.

“What’s her speciality?”

Big Charli looked surprised.

“Pre-Gravitational Erosion.”

“...I’m sorry?”

“The cumulative effects of gravity on unsupported soft tissue over several decades.”

Poppy nodded.

“Mostly Tuesdays.”

“I’ve prepared some recommendations.”

She opened the folder.

TACTICAL FOUNDATION GARMENTS

Predictive Bounce Mitigation.

Adaptive Load Redistribution.

Dynamic Strap Geometry.

Structural Integrity Field Integration.

Jessica smiled.

“Excellent.”

Poppy looked confused.

“Oh no. Those are all terrible.”

She turned the page.

“What women actually want.”

Comfortable.

Doesn’t dig in.

Doesn’t ride up.

Doesn’t cost the GDP of a small moon.

Nice colours.

Big Charli smiled.

“There it is.”

Jessica looked horrified.

“But... where’s the military terminology?”

Poppy blinked.

“It’s a bra.”

Silence.